Current Financial Crisis - Nice Quote

"What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of myCheques is returned stamped

"insufficient funds",

I won't know whether

That refers to mine ............ ..or the bank's!"????

Smart Student!

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject.
It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student: Please teacher, I don´t think I want to study history.

Teacher: Why?

Student: There is no future in it.
*******

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted: $10.

Teacher: You don´t know maths.

Ted: You don´t know my father!
*******

True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of ! the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over ! 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

The Mushroom Effect!!

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

They have lived happily ever after

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay ,
Jamaica .

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
"What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.!!!!!


"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said,
" That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said,
"That's twice."
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I shouted at her,

"What 's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??"

She looked at me, and quietly said,
"That's once." "And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."